I want The Onion staff to write a Trump book from Trump's perspective as if he wrote it himself.
Dedication: To himself
Foward: Thanking himself in the third person because without "Donald Trump", Donald Trump never could have done it.
.... But even if The Onion were to publish such a book, it would pale to the absurdity of Donald Trump's actual perception of what he truly believes happened during his 4 years as president and how the 2020 election was stolen from him with the help of all the people who betrayed him, including VP Pence, who in the mind of Donald Trump, had the legal power throw out all the electoral votes, and declared Donald Trump the winner. Because Mike Pense did not take such action as ordered by Donald Trump (did not have authority), Pence is considered Donald Trump's #1 traitor of all time, followed by Bill Barr, for not charging Joe Biden before and after the election for treason, lying, tax evasion, bribery, and killing his first wife and daughter in a fake car accident.
In either book, a likely quote from Trump:
"When I interview people to work for me, there is only one thing I need to know. Will they suck my dick anytime, anywhere? Are they willing to give me a BJ at a rally, or at Press Conference, or at 3am? If their answer is yes, then I know they will do anything thing I ask. I have gotten so many BJ from so many people, you wouldn't believe, many of them are worth 100s of millions, and they beg to suck my big dick. Willing to give very large sums of money to have the pleasure."