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All of us "normal" people wonder how in the world "America's dumbest congressman" keeps getting elected.
The answer to that question came today in the form of a reply to a post about Louie from a guy who lives in Texas:
His response (a classic) is as follows:
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Now, now, settle down. I’m from Texas and I’ll explain it. You have to put Louie in context. He’s from far North East Texas, what we in Texas refer to as the “piney woods”. This area is unsophisticated. In fact, there are probably areas in Somalia that are more sophisticated.
Think of every redneck or doofus or inbred joke you’ve ever heard. I guarantee you there is someone in Louie’s district that may have inspired it.
This is an area where KKK meetings and evangelical tent revivals are held on the same grounds, just different nights. And attended by the same people. If you can’t imagine either event is still going on in 2015, you haven’t been to Louie’s district.
This area is so Republican that no Democrat bothered to run against him in 2008 and 2010. In 2012, he beat the Democrat 71.7% to 21.6%. As one may note, rounding errors happen in the piney woods. Math ain’t their forte.
I have often noted that the main reason why Louie Gohmert was elected was because he was the only man in the district with a full set of dentures and *two* clip-on neckties. This is an area where people think there is such a thing as a “short-sleeve dress shirt”, appropriate for wearing with one’s “2 for $99” 100% polyester suit.
It’s even been said that Louie owns two pairs of dress shoes, but that’s a damn lie spread by provocateurs trying to slander him in the adoring eyes of his constituents. Louie Gohmert is no wasteful spendthrift. We know that because he’s never spent a penny on deodorant, either.
It’s whispered that Louie even bathes on Saturdays, but no one has ever caught him doing it on two *consecutive* Saturdays. That’s just a calumny. Louie has better things to do than waste time and water like that.
Now, you liberals may think that Louie Gohmert is an ignorant dumb ass. But let me assure you that he’s one of the smartest men in far North East Texas. His “cosmopolitan urbanosity” is well-known and much admired. It’s been said he even knows the difference between a salad and a dinner fork and when to use which.
He hates all the right groups and will get you a flag that’s flown over the Capitol.
He would rather a person died in agony of a curable disease than spend a single penny of taxpayer money.
If it were up to Louie, every welfare and food stamp leech would have to wear a hat with a flashing red light ever time they left the trailer.
Louie loves fetuses, but hates welfare babies.
He once found out a fellow was an illegal immigrant, but magnanimously let him finish his lawn before he called the sheriff. It’s just a shame the sheriff showed up before Louie got around to paying the guy.
And when it’s time for church, Louie is front-and-center. Sometimes he even passes the collection plate. It’s a liberal lie that it’s always lighter than usual when Louie is the plate passer. He only takes it the bathroom with him to keep it safe before handing it in.
So, you may make fun of “Gomer” as we affectionately refer to him, but I assure you:
In his piney woods hillbilly kingdom, Louie is the one-eyed man.
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Here's the article that inspired the response:
http://www.occupydemocrats.com/watch-tea-partier-louie-gohmert-calls-president-obama-a-terrorist-on-the-house-floor/