Ebola Breaks Out in US! End of the World!

Thu Oct 02, 2014 15:24:25PM

blood, human, splatter, dropsBy: Nyki m
Warning! Ebola has reached the shores of the United States. As most people know, a man traveling from Liberia, one of the infected countries, was diagnosed with Ebola on September 29 in a Dallas hospital. He has since been quarantined and the people he was in contact with have been notified and are under observation for the next 21 days. This is proof that the government has been irresponsibly downplaying the threat of an Ebola outbreak.

We were told that the U.S. is not a place that is conducive to Ebola outbreaks. Our sanitation levels and readily available hospitals allegedly make the virus easier to contain when compared to African. Well, an outbreak has occurred. Now what, CDC? We should have learned from the previous virus that hit our shores, HIV. We couldn’t contain HIV, how can we possibly hope to contain Ebola when it’s effects are much deadlier. Obviously, comparing HIV to Ebola is relevant because HIV is a scary, attention grabbing disease that makes headlines.

We were also told that it is difficult to become infected because you need to come in direct contact with bodily fluids of someone who has exhibiting symptoms. Everyone knows that the U.S. is the most affectionate country in the world. We kiss random strangers on the street everyday. People are feeling sad because they are shivering, covered in sweat, and perhaps even vomiting. Those are the people that need cheering up the most, and nothing cheers sick people up quite like planting a big one right on their quivering, pale lips.

We were then told isolation is an extreme response. Locking travelers up for 3 weeks is actually a quite reasonable response. Nevermind the outrageous costs of feeding, guarding, observing, and sheltering hundreds, maybe even thousands of individuals for 21 straight days in high level quarantine. There is no price too high for the safety of our children. Can we please start thinking about the children.

We probably shouldn’t stop our isolation policy at just the affected countries and travelers from those countries. We should close all U.S. borders. Ebola is terrifying and that is just the virus we know about. Think of all the viruses that we don’t know about that are out there waiting to infect our population. They just sit there in the darkness curling their evil virus mustaches. I’m furious and confused on why we haven’t closed our borders already. Remember that part about the children?

What it boils down to is that Ebola is a serious threat to public health. This is the 5th case of Ebola in all of U.S. history and while not a single one of those people died from the virus, we must remain vigilant. People might try and tell you that 30,000 people in the U.S. die from the flu each year. Or they may bring up the fact that 35,000 people die of pneumonia each year. They could even say that as many as 100 people die each year because they were stepped on by a cow. But we all know the real threat. And it is in a hospital in Dallas, TX.

Did you know that Hitler didn’t protect his country from Ebola either?

So, Gather your torches and pitchforks! Click “Like” and “Share” on over-simplified and highly sensationalized graphics that you see infecting the feeds of your social media sites faster than…. well, Ebola. Spread the word that the end of the world is coming! Ebola is the obviously the first horseman of the Apocalypse, Pestilence!

If we let Ebola get a solid foothold, then the terrorists have already won. Be on the side of FREEDOM!
6 Recommendations
You must be logged in to add a comment. You may signup for a free account to get started or login to your existing account.