From the Forward Command of El Prezidente Kaboom:
A Dispatch from the Front Lines of the Battle for POTUS 2008
To the Unarmed and Armed Citizens of Dallas/Forth-Worth
Care of the Dallas Star-Telegram
Somewhere in October 2008
The Reptiles Strike Back, Again
And EVILMAS REFORM NOW!
Hello, fellow citizens, El Prezidente Kaboom here, author and wager of The Battle Against Evilmas, back with another update on our election. If you haven’t heard of me before, ask the Police. In fact, ask if I could borrow one of their bulletproof vests. The Reptiles are shooting at me on the roadway these days, and they are not to be engaged anywhere near where booze is served. After hearing several of their conversations amongst themselves inside a few taverns, it’s become clear to me that their mental stability has become highly questionable, and opening my mouth in such establishments will lead to my tires being slashed, at a minimum.
The Republicans have a grab bag full of October Surprises: there’s the so ACORN vote fraud scandal; the Fannie Mae subplot to the Wall Street bailout; and Obama’s connections to the Weather Underground. All sorts of debunked rumors are in play, and they seem to be motivating violent attitudes at McCain rallies. Somebody in Clearwater, Florida yelled out “KILL HIM” while Palin was up on stage bashing Obama, on the same day that somebody else in Albuquerque, New Mexico yelled out “TERRORIST” when McCain asked the crowd, “Who is the real Barack Obama?”
Yes, it’s all Endtimes, all the time down at the Reptile “mOBSCENE” (song by Marilyn Manson). Supposed ‘Christian’ Reptiles are calling for blood! Isn’t that nice. The Party of Lincoln is a long way away from Springfield, and a McCain supporter is bound to say the N-Word on Live TV any day now.
Since the VP was picked, the McCain campaign has been insane. I guess it all started with Palin lying about “Killing the Bridge to Nowhere” as soon as she came aboard. Then, it moved to the Kindergarten ads and the false grievance over the “lipstick on a pig” comments. Now, it’s in every point that Palin tries to make and anything John McCain cites as evidence.
They’re pumping out viral email after viral email, and they have crippled the internet with the death rattle of swine. The Reptiles are now shouting propaganda everywhere and ‘round-the-clock on FOX News. They’re attempting a full-court fascist press of distortion, innuendo, and false rumor, with all the tools available in this Modern Information Age. It’s a psychotic way to win an election, but victory is all that matters to these Reptiles: Obama’s the End of the World to people whose ancestors’ fears of a great slave uprising still reverberate in their DNA today, and thus Aztec rules are in effect. With the number of unsubstantiated claims and falsehoods being thrown ‘round and about, these Reptiles are egging on all the nut-jobs and lone-wolfs out there. They’re so close to being Nazis, it’s no longer funny to joke about.
Besides the direct P.R. damage, campaigns of strategic disinformation are designed to get the innocently accused so upset that they lose control and react unprofessional, like me. ACORN, however, has been square with the facts. The invalid registration forms that the Reptiles are yelling about were flagged by the organization before they turned them in. The story broke when ACORN reported that they were firing a few employees for screwing around. The entire organization wasn’t on the same page when it came to not using quota systems for voter canvassers to prevent improper behavior. What we have here is an error in oversight that the organization itself reported to the proper authorities, not widespread vote fraud like the Reptiles conveniently claim with no evidence. The authorities readily agree, Mickey Mouse isn’t voting in this election. And for that matter, more people who should be allowed to vote will be denied, than the small number of votes caste improperly.
As far as ACORN goes, the Reptiles should begin with questioning their leader about his ties to the organization: McCain’s was the keynote speaker for ACORN at the organization’s immigration rally in February, 2006. He’s on tape being cheered by ACORN activists, telling the organization he supports them; there were McCain for President 2008 signs in the crowd, and a lot of RED shirts on for a left-wing terrorist group.
McCain is oscillating between being McCarthy, Nixon, and Bob Dole. Rep. John Lewis (D- Ga.) says you can also throw in George Wallace, somewhere, and I think we can trust him: black people have Geiger Counters when it comes to Racism. Overall, I think the best description of the McCain Campaign is Bob Dole on crack; backed up by a transvestite version of a real pissed-off and stupid Bush; with Nixon and McCarthy apologists running the behind-the-scenes; and would-be fans of Wallace in the crowd.
It’s all too much for me. The Reptiles are slipping away to the Dark Side, and a concession speech by John McCain may not bring them back. Palin’s got them all pissed off and proud to be ignorant! It’s terrible seeing McCain like this, running an angry propaganda campaign, and bad for the country. It’s a scorch the Earth kind of tactic, and there’s no telling what kind of fanaticism it will inspire. You should stay away from Texas, B-Rock! Don’t even send Biden down here!
I’ll bet money, if Obama wins there’s gonna be some sort of operation-relocation to Alaska thing for the Reptiles and then a petition from the State for its secession from the Union. I’d say fine, go be Saudi Arabia in the Artic Circle, set up some Religious Schools, and bother the Canadians, but what about paying us back? Alaska receives more federal monies per capita than any other state in the Union. We’ve made a big investment, and if you’re on your own, Alaska, well…we’re gonna need our money back. If we can’t come to an equitable financial settlement, I’m afraid this is one of the many ways, things could come to blows.
After asking his people, 2 days prior, “Who is the real Barack Obama?,” McCain said on October 10, 2008 that Obama’s a “decent family man,” who the Reptiles shouldn’t fear as POTUS. After yanking the mike from an old lady who said Obama’s an “Arab,” during one of the strangest Q & A’s of the campaign, McCain scolded his supporters for going too far, despite his complicity in riling them up. And riled up they were in the last month of the race, marching around like Nazis outside of McCain rallies, threatening the liberal media, at times, with sticks.
It sickens me that the Right Wing has the audacity to pray to Jesus. With their attitudes on National Defense, they should try Mars, the God of War. At their core, these Reptiles are seriously fucked-up; Jesus Christ would be against bombing poor people. As the story goes, he got pissed, once, and had a little tirade in a synagogue, before vomiting outside in the sand, leaving toxic rocks that still glow to this day. Well, it’d be nice if he left us glowing rocks, sort of amounts to the kind of evidence that reason and logic thrive off: first-hand observation of indisputable spooky shit. While I don’t believe in Jesus without the glowing rocks, the Golden Rule that he talked about seems to be a survival tip! It’s not a smart policy to take the form of an aggressor; and the Reptiles should no better than me, that Jesus told his followers, “for all who take the sword will perish by the sword” (Matthew 26:52). Those are rather cryptic remarks; and given that they claim to worship Jesus more than me, it seems to me that the Reptiles should be the most against War, Anger, Hate, and Manipulative Discourse.
McCain did what he should’ve done by taking the mike from that old lady, who called Obama “an Arab,” but it was a little too late, and more than just a little hypocritical, given the way his campaign had been pumping up crowds of idiots, days prior, with angry rhetoric. Thousands of maniacs hopped up on propaganda across the country poured into McCain rallies in response to the campaign’s new tone, and campaign officials did nothing to prevent these idiots from running amok on Youtube.
Obama’s been the subject of one of the largest propaganda campaigns in American history; and up until now, all McCain has done is make the odd request that his supporters stop saying Obama’s full name, when introducing the Reptile Nominee in public. McCain did more for Kerry, whose Swiftboat attackers didn’t go so far as to claim that he was a Terrorist planning on blowing America up from the inside. Kerry was called a ‘fake war-hero,’ and McCain took exceptional offense? Wasn’t Kerry Protesting the War when McCain was in “the BOX” that Fred Thompson talked so much about at the Republican National Convention.
It’s no coincidence that on the same day that McCain found this new sense of restraint, the Alaskan legislative board commissioned with the “Troopergate” investigation released its findings. Despite Palin’s insistence that she was cleared of all “wrongdoing,” the Alaskan Joint Legislative Council, made up of 10 Republicans and 4 Democrats, explicitly state in their report that she violated the Alaskan Executive Branch Ethics Act.
El Prezidente Kaboom may be a criminal, but at least, I admit it. For that matter, it’s getting harder every day to do the Patriotic Criminal Work of The LA REVOLUCION with the hostile political climate and the guns that are everywhere all over town. Now, I can understand a Reptile pulling a gun on me for trespassing on their property and burning trash on their front lawns, but shooting at me on the roadway is completely unacceptable. It wasn’t but a few weeks ago, that a Mad Motorist, with a fresh McCain/ Palin bumper sticker proudly displayed on his SUV, nearly assassinated El Prezidente in a vehicular shooting incident on LBJ. The foul irony of almost being killed on the Lyndon Baines Johnson Expressway, when LBJ’s Viet-Nam War almost got my father killed, serves as evidence to the fact that the Universe may very well be laughing at us.
Unfortunately, I don’t know if it was a hit job, or if driving 65 mph is slow enough to get you shot, but nothing I did on the roadway justified violence. I’m a conservative driver and a safety first kind of citizen on the roadway. The equivalent of a major airline disaster every week due to accidents on America’s roads means nothing to too many fuckers out there. It’s in our national interests to drive safely: low insurance rates depend on it.
Dangerous Driving, like Evilmas, is a bipartisan sin; and when El Prezidente gets a license plate of someone driving like a literal maniac, rest assured, they get their tires slashed eventually. However, I didn’t see the license plate of my would-be assassin, only that goddamn bumper sticker. Shocked by the shooting at 65mph, I lost control of the vehicle and drove into the guardrail along the shoulder. While the damage to my car wasn’t severe, as I was able to drive away, the damage to my psyche has been enormous. I don’t know if they found me, or if Reptiles are just targeting random Obama voters on the freeway, but I’m worried for my safety.
This country is on the verge of approaching the precipice of the edge of maybe having Civil War, and like General Sherman, my warnings have maddeningly come to pass. I spelled them out in a piece of good ole American pamphleteering, titled The Battle Against Evilmas, and I brought copies of this manifesto to many of your front doors, earlier this year. Some might call burning trash on the lawns of supporters of the opposition, the incitation of riot, but I call it getting someone’s attention. I’m an expert at the bonfire, and I don’t just set any lawn on fire: it has to be safe.
The source of our National Madness is Evilmas, and I’m the only one out there preaching the truth. The way we celebrate the American Christmas sets the tone for our entire way of life. I’m not the Grinch here people! Our Mad Materialistic Excess is to blame. We ruined Christmas, and our nation spun completely out of control. We had a nervous breakdown following 9/11 and the shit really hit the fan. Now we live in a crazy world of paradox, where the majority of Atheists and non-believers back a Black Jesus, while bigots, who claim the almighty, follow Gilgamesh 2008!
Man has fought viciously for the soul of the Winter Solstice for 10,000 years. We tried ‘Xmas’ but that didn’t get us very far, and the divisions between us continue to prevent reform of the holiday. The Reptiles complain the ‘Separation of Church and State’ goes too far; liberals fear it may not go far enough. And they’re both right: there’s more room for religion in the public square and public high schools, than liberals readily admit, but it will never be enough, for all those holier than thou pricks. All I’m saying, is that there is a secular compromise, over religion’s place in our society, and that believers and non-believers shouldn’t be allowed to make mountains out of molehills. The baby Jesus didn’t hurt nobody, and I got no problem with a little religion in the public square, so long as they don’t force it down our throats. School’s shouldn’t have to censor everything religious, but nor should they censor science for the sake of religion. School prayer isn’t that big of deal, so long as it’s inclusive of all faiths. Yes, there’s a ‘God,’ but what that is or means, is a matter of opinion, and while atheists can reject what they believe to be superstition, they can’t deny the mystery of our existence and that there are forces in the universe that have power over our lives. Jesus may not be the Son of God, but Gravity is very real, and quantum physics is trippy. Bob Dylan titled a song “I’m Not There,” and if space is an illusion, as some quantum physicists suggest, he was technically correct, because everything is everything.
It’s a hard task, setting aside our political animosities, to speak only with love; but we all could get more practice at it, if our Christmas was made into a shared spiritual experience between all Americans. Man, Myth, Fraud, Legend, Son of God, whatever, Jesus is a big part of history because he spoke about Peace, Love, and Understanding, and I think, we’d all prefer to live in a country, where the inhabitants were as compassionate as Jesus Christ. .
We have a Charge to Keep, Goddamn it! And at some point, we should come together to honestly reflect on our deepest shared values and how we should uphold them in the coming year. Until then, no matter who’s POTUS, we’ll continue to be juvenile delinquents, at the mercy of fascists, pimps, and other thugs bigger than us; and it will continue to take Property Damage to fight for Truth, Justice, and an American Way of Life that doesn’t KILL US ALL. Obama may give us a leg up, but the real reform won’t come until we brake the hold of Evilmas.